YOUR DATING DILEMMAS SOLVED

NATIONAL SINGLES DAY

National Singles Day is celebrated on November 11^th. It started out as a Chinese commercial holiday that helps those without partners show their pride in being single – they are encouraged to treat themselves and show love and kindness to themselves and each other – at least for this one day! Chosen because 11/11 looks like a group of sticks. (The numeral 1 resembles a bare stick which in China represents an unmarried man who does not add ‘Branches’ to the family tree). Singles Day has apparently become the single most lucrative online shopping holiday in the world with sales surpassing even Black Friday!

WE ASKED 4 TOP DATING EXPERTS FOR THEIR ADVICE OF WHAT YOU SHOULD DO TO SPLURGE ON YOURSELF OF BE KIND TO YOURSELF ON NATIONAL SINGLES DAY.

• April Ashby, Matchmaker at Mutual Attraction, “Find yourself a singles event to attend. Be amongst other singles and celebrate the positives of being unattached”.
• George Rawlings, CEO, Thursday, “National Singles Day is a day to celebrate and appreciate the importance of self-love and self-care. In today’s society, there can be a lot of pressure to be in a romantic relationship, but it’s essential to remember that the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have. When you’re in a relationship with someone else, you can’t always control the other person’s actions or feelings, but you can control how you feel about and treat yourself. It’s important to take time for self-reflection, self-care, and personal growth. This includes doing things that make you happy, pursuing your passions, and setting boundaries. Thinking about National Singles Day is a great opportunity to focus on building a positive relationship with yourself. You can take time to do things that bring you joy, like reading a book, watching a film, or even just taking a relaxing bath. You can also use this day to reflect on your personal growth and set goals for yourself. Remember, you can’t walk away from the relationship you have with yourself, so it’s important to make it a healthy and positive one. By focusing on self-love and self-care, you’ll be better equipped to handle the ups and downs of life and build strong, healthy relationships with others”.
• James Preece, UK’s top dating coach – “Write yourself a letter. Tell yourself how fabulous you are and all the things you love about being you. By putting together this advanced version of a gratitude list, you’ll be able to realise how amazing and lucky you are to be you. Just make a promise to yourself to go wild as nobody else will ever read it!  You’ll then be able to read it when you might be feeling in need of a boost in the future”.
• Yvette Langton, CEO of YL Introductions, “Call your best single friends together, book a lovely restaurant or arrange to meet a fabulous bar and just let your hair down”

DATING INSIGHT

How to find your perfect forever partner! Let’s start by saying, your ‘Perfect partner’ most likely does not exist! The person you fall in love with is more likely to be less than perfect, just like you, but hopefully loveable all the same. But how do we find that special someone that is right for each of us? Is it a case of being a numbers game? You make the most of every opportunity and eventually you’ll find the one? Or is there more of a science to it.

MATCHMAKING

Most Matchmakers have their own idea of what works, depending on their market sector or the type of service they offer. I know many agencies that are established and expensive – you are talking £10k plus. But these agents will become your wing woman/man and hand hold you through the whole process. National and international agencies such as Maclynn International, Berkley International or Executive Club St James.Picking you up when you are down if things are not working out for you. Or bringing you hope with the next introduction they have planned for you to meet.

These agencies focus on finding people who tick most of your boxes and help you to appeal to your target men and women, either with restyling or coaching. They will undergo extensive interviews to establish your hopes, expectations and preferences. They will be realistic about what is actually possible.

DATING APPS

Dating apps can also work, if you have the time to invest. However, it can become like a full-time job. Sifting through all the undesirables, but if volume is what you want and at very little cost this is the way to go. If you are new to dating, get some advice before you dive in with dating apps as there is so much uncertainty because nobody on a dating app has been vetted. You will find that the majority of profiles have been put up by scammers, or are fake, because they have stolen someone’s identity. There are also people who have completely re-invented themselves and therefore you are getting to know them under false pretences.

Usually dating apps are the place to go for people that are already in unhappy relationships, for a bit of extra curriculum fun! That’s why most people you connect with on dating apps will be reluctant to actually meet up IRL (in real life!).

THE VERY LATEST DATING SERVICES

On a more upbeat note, the global dating sector is growing at an incredible rate, so there are always new services being launched. Gorgeous Networks launched Club Gorgeous in 2021 – a unique hybrid service that vets all new clients. The service is affordable and offers some of the aspects that you would enjoy from an expensive matchmaking service, such as having your profile written to showcase the best version of yourself. Rather than being as targeted as a personal matchmaking agency – Club Gorgeous will connect you to 2-3 carefully selected people per month that could be a great fit, ticking lots of your boxes. It is aimed at people who want to extend their network and meet more people that are similar to them. Busy professionals, all ages, predominantly in London and The Home Counties.

There are newcomers to the dating industry every month, ranging from services to events or apps. This month’s newcomer is a new Matchmaking app by a trusted brand ‘Lovestruck’. Aimed at a younger demographic who are fed up with dating apps but who do not want to pay high matchmaking fees. Plus, the younger market generally prefers a tech-based service for convenience.

Check out The Dating Directory if you are keen to explore all your options. The site regularly lists all the best services, apps, events listings – to help singles of all ages around the UK navigate their way through the minefield that is dating.

THE SCIENCE BIT

I believe there are formula’s to establishing who could potentially be a great long-term prospect. Apart from my 20 plus years as a matchmaker and industry expert, I use the Enneagram compatibility testing program, which helps me, and my clients establish more about their personality traits. This can then pre-empt what personality types are scientifically more likely to match together.

Most clients will list an array of personality aspects, such as honesty, integrity, generosity. They say they are seeking confident, driven, spontaneous, decisive people, but with little thought of whether all these personality traits are even possibly achievable within one person. Sometimes things just do not go with the territory. For example, if you want someone who is totally reliable and punctual, they are hardly likely to also be spontaneous types. People who throw caution to the wind really easily. Reliable and punctual people like to plan.

Of course, there is a little of lots of things that go into making up a personality type. But fundamentally the Enneagram system demonstrates the traits that are most common in each of our personal make-up.

So, following your test, your report could discover that you are 64% ‘Type 7’ and 22% ‘Type 2’ – with a little of some other types thrown in. But predominantly Type 7 is your main character.

THERE ARE NINE MAIN TYPES:

Each type will have a detailed breakdown of your personality type, and also who you are most compatible with long term for a harmonious long-term relationship.

There are lots of other variable thrown into The Enneagram system, it’s a really helpful tool that Gorgeous Networks Matchmaking have started using this year with amazing results. It really brings home to so many singles, that having an instant feeling of ‘I want to rip this persons clothes off’ is not really what we should be holding out for if we are seeking someone for the long term. As matchmakers, we are not looking for a match for our clients that will be a good for a quick passionate fling. It is more about finding a person who has similar values, who has a similar energy aura, someone that has a similar or compatible level of adaptability and personality types that work well together.