By Zahra Anderson
Now, I know I’ve talked a lot about wearing lingerie for yourself. And how lingerie can be about what you want and needand how you feel about yourself. But there are definitely aspects of lingerie that have to do with other people, and the way in which lingerie can be part of a connection between partners should not be overlooked. A question I often hear from people not as enmeshed in lingerie as I am is, “How does wearing lingerie for your boyfriend/girlfriend actually work?”
This guide is for those people who want to wear lingerie for a special occasion, but just aren’t sure exactly how to pull it off, in the personal and the practical sense. In this case I’m going to address lingerie in relation to a long-term relationship. Here are my eight tips to bear in mind if you’re going to wear lingerie for yourself and your partner:
CONFIDENCE
Wear what makes you feel sexy. The whole point of this adventure is for both you and your partner to have a good time! Confidence is the most important part of this whole experience –and the key ingredient to feeling both beautiful and desirable. If you feel supremely confident, you don’t really even need the rest of these tips, but I know for some people, having lots of ideas and instructions will help bolster lingerie courage.
THE ACT OF DISCOVERY IS SEXY
I’m quite fond of wearing lingerie under regular clothes because I love the moment when my partner realises that I’m wearing something a little out of the ordinary. The fact that you look ‘normal’ on the outside and are a lingerie goddess underneath is exciting… and later, the act of undressing becomes more like an adventure. The whole idea of the “plainclothes superhero” is quite a turn-on.
Clothes that go well over sexy lingerie include structured dresses, pencil skirts and blouses.
SET THE MOOD
If this lingerie unveiling is taking place in your home, take advantage of it. Creating a ‘mood’ can definitely help you feel more comfortable and less awkward. Just wear a robe to answer the door (if you wish to avoid letting your neighbour catch a glimpse) and you can be in charge of exactly how everything goes down, whether it be with mood music, candles or red wine. Alternatively booking a romantic night or weekend away in a hotel for Valentine’s Day could set the mood perfectly.
DON’T RUSH
Please don’t dress in a hurry, make sure you have plenty of time to prepare beforehand. Making my partner wait when I’m getting dressed stresses me out –and often lingerie can be a complicated affair. I hate trying desperately to clip my stockings in the bathroom when it just isn’t working. It’s so much nicer to have a calm, meditative dressing-up experience before you see your partner, which just makes you more excited about showing yourself off. Enjoy the ritual.
STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE
It’s okay to step out of your comfort zone. This may seem contradictory to tip #1, but it’s not. What I mean is, don’t be afraid to try something exciting or different –wearing lingerie is allowed to be a fantastical experience that isn’t necessarily grounded in the ‘practical.’ Let your imagination or your desires take you wherever you want to go and there is plenty of room for experimentation.
FORGET THE TRENCHCOAT
I view the whole trenchcoat and lingerie as an ‘advanced’lingerie skill that requires a lot more confidence than might be doable for the lingerie neophyte. Especially because it really only makes sense when the journey is just point A to point B, as the outfit of trenchcoat & lingerie won’t make you feel particularly comfortable if you realise you forgot something and have to drop by the pharmacy or the supermarket. Plus, if you’re feeling nervous, suddenly dropping a trenchcoat to reveal your entire lingerie outfit might make you feel more simply exposed than seductive.
SURPRISE YOURSELF
Your partner probably loves any lingerie surprise, but what about surprising yourself? Lingerie is more than just bras and panties. Corsets, garters, teddies, robes, hosieryand slips are all part of the lingerie wardrobe to mix and match to your liking. Lingerie is never limited. Maybe your splurge is one pair of silk panties or a super fluffy robe. No matter how much you spend, buy something that will make you truly excited to wear. Pretty lingerie and intimates is a different vision of beauty for everyone. I personally feel like there is nothing better than having my coffee in the morning in my favourite silk robe.
IT’S ABOUT HAVING FUN
If anyone makes you feel like you’re doing the wrong thing or you aren’t completely gorgeous in your lingerie, there is something wrong with them, not you. And if you’re wearing lingerie because you felt pressured into it, that’s a problem too. Only do what makes you feel comfortable, amazing and special – whether that includes lingerie or not, having fun is key to making lingerie work for you.
