Perhaps while clinging onto memories of the sun, we have taken a rapid descent into crisp mornings and rain-filled days. Linda says “That’s it, Summer’s over”, as Anne responds “we didn’t even get one, did we?” and with that, the longer days are behind us. We equip ourselves with extra layers, line up the next series-to-watch and fuel the days with hot drinks, all while aware that we are probably going to be spending a lot more time indoors.
I am going to dig down a touch into what being indoors means. It means being indoors with colleagues more, perhaps over breaks when we might have preferred to be out of the office and being with partners and family more. There is something significant about the walls that contain us and hold us inside together. Our unconscious mind might recall from this seasonal shift what being indoors once meant many years ago.
Thinking back to being indoors as a young child at home with the family will bring up different feelings for us all. Some might smile at memories of cosy nights with games and laughter, whereas others might wince at the thought of hearing grown-up arguments filtering through their bedroom walls. There might be experiences that some recall of uncomfortable silences and endless events never discussed. Perhaps we think back to a mixture of positive and negative experiences. These experiences of ours, once “enclosed” as a child behind the family front door, have formed a part of our unconscious mind.
The unconscious mind doesn’t operate in the same way that our conscious mind does. It has no real concept of many of the things that we have come to learn over the course of our life. It is much wilder in its nature, making links more from instinctive feelings and sending signals to our conscious minds. We will often then feel some sort of motivation to act on these signals, essentially to feel as well as we can. If the signals are uncomfortable, we will sometimes act in defence to stay afloat. In the darker months, our behaviour and routines will often change so as to survive, both practically and emotionally and our unconscious mind plays some part in driving these changes.
With the longer nights and more time indoors, we are also drawn to look inwards more. There are fewer distractions available to us, which in some ways mimics the intentions of a psychoanalytic space. However, the exception is that the former is often a journey within the self carried out alone. This could be a positive experience, but equally, this can also lead to an unpleasant state of mind which can be a struggle to climb out of.
The family is another sensitive area at this time of year, many of our feelings are fuelled by a combination of our childhood experiences and current situations. Some simply don’t want to be around their family but feel compelled to be so. Some don’t have family to see and have no choice but to fill the longer evenings alone. Some are sole or single parents and some are divorcing parents contemplating an unknown journey ahead. Some are together and don’t want to be and some are alone and also don’t want to be. Some have stressful dynamics with wider family members on the horizon. Some are grieving.
Society’s pressure (often together with our own unconscious drives) makes many feel that presenting as well means that we are well, particularly when society validates this back to us. It is particularly easy in society today to feel a pull towards beavering away to maintain a pretence of “great” outside the front door, while hiding the reality inside. But what happens if this pretence extends to the people within the house? Then the front door becomes symbolic of the self, keeping within the struggles and probably working very hard to do so.
Everyone’s defences to anxiety and uncomfortable feelings operate in a different way, although there can be some patterns and similarities shared between us. This is because everyone’s story is different and this includes what happened behind the front door of our childhood homes. What is shared though is that we are now bedding-in to the new season, one filled with yearly traditions which often include families coming together in enclosed spaces, and this is a familiar change that we have experienced time and time again since we were born.
Taking a reflective and curious position within the self can help to gain a more meaningful understanding of why we do things or why we feel a certain way. Considering how we tend to feel or behave at this time of year and if it feels comfortable, digging down a little and thinking back to earlier times, can help us to identify patterns and gain an understanding towards where these patterns might have originated from. However, and especially if it feels more comfortable and safe, this should be explored together with a qualified therapist.
Article by: Hannah Downing
See her website for more information: www.enter-therapy.co.uk
