Sun, sea, luxury. Living out here in the sun is what so many people dream of. Your summer months are guaranteed to be jam packed with guests….in-laws, cousins, step brothers…mothers! You name them – they all expect their turn at Hotel Marbella, aka your house.

But don’t get me wrong, we do all miss them greatly during the rest of the year, and are more than happy to have them to stay during summer. There’s just a few things I think we could all get off our chest about the horror of having guests!

Day in, day out of emptying the rather large bag of washing that contains unfamiliar clothing items, which quite frankly you do not want to touch. Then putting them in the machine, hanging them on the line and repeat…repeat…REPEAT. And yes I do sound petty, but when you’re down to your 3rd set of guests, 150th wash and your SIXTH extra-large pack of Persil Super Stains you are entitled to complain!

And then the washing line, it always seems to be the hottest part of the house. The decision to place it there had been made to quicken clothes drying time. But you are regretting this decision as your now dripping in sweat whilst hanging up an unfamiliar pair of men’s underwear.

Don’t worry though, because as you turn the corner your step mother is laying on a lounger with a drink in her hand, doing enough relaxing for the two of you. She’s got it covered.

“Darling, what is for lunch?” she calls from the lounger.

This question means she has presumed you have pre-planned the meal, gone shopping and will have it prepared for when she is hungry. This is assumed for all meals, everyday AND for the whole trip.

Looking at the math: sometimes adding guests to the usual amount of mouths, you can end up with 6 or more mouths to feed. The shopping prices go up considerably and time spent slaving in the kitchen increases, but it is all part of the happy clappy service…

Now you’ve cleaned their sheets, cooked for them, cleaned their plates. Successfully become their maid and chef. So why stop there? As everyday no doubt they will ask you whether they can wear a skirt today? Is there any point putting on a bikini on? Will the water be warm? Obviously all Marbella residents are experienced weather reporters, so these questions are totally understandable…?

TIP: in response to their weather service demands, reply by suggesting they look at their own weather app.

But these are just the typical strains of guest visits. Again don’t get me wrong if you are a guest reading this, we do think you’re worth every second…

We asked a couple of Marbella residents about their guest experiences. And throughout the years we’ve encountered a lot of complaints:

“My friend came to stay and brought her 3 kids, only problem was they were on school holidays and my 2 kids were not. She decided to get drunk most nights and I was left getting my 2 kids up and ready for school and her 3 kids ready, fed and bathed, while she laid in every morning. Never again!” Sally Hawkins, 34.

“I walked into my sitting room to find my cousin browsing my book shelves. She then turned to me and said shock ‘but I don’t like any of these books, there is nothing here I like’”. – Michael Holland, 36.

“We are in Mercadona and my guests just start piling item on item into the shopping cart. We are talking like a whole two baskets more of things. We get to the check out and they just stand there expecting me to pay it all, not a wallet in sight. So I paid, reluctantly. Then when we got home they took all ‘their’ stuff into their room and put it in their cupboards. Like they were hiding it from the rest of us!” – Susan Berk, 25.

“I had my mother in law over and she asked me if I wanted a gin and tonic. I didn’t want one and said no. She was like ‘oh but darling I really wanted one, so could you make me one’. So I had to go and make her one. I just don’t get why after a week of living with me she wouldn’t just make her own.” – Amelia Jenkins, 34.

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